Day 27 (September 30, 2009)

No, this won't post on time. I'm typing it at 11:59 p.m. so I'm actually posting today's thought tomorrow.

Yes, it's been a long time since I last posted and even longer since a serious post.

No excuses. Just some facts about my life to bring you up to date:

-The kitchen has a ceiling and walls. The bathroom has a wall, too. The ceiling and walls in the kitchen are painted. I have one piece of trim left (a big piece) to complete the painting in the kitchen. Unfortunately, I can't find my can of paint to get some more mixed up to paint in the bathroom. Needless to say, this unscheduled project has taken a lot of time.

-The depressed mood I suffer in from time to time hit really hard last week. I'm dealing with some losses and wasn't doing well with it. I'm doing a bit better today so we'll see how tomorrow goes.

Those are the big two things that interrupted my disciplines the last week or so. This wasn't the only discipline of mine that was totally interrupted. Let's see how long it takes to get back on track.

Thanks for reading.

Jeff

Day 26 (September 23, 2009)

Yes, I know I haven't been good at posting the last couple of days. Right now chaos seems to have the upper hand. I'm hoping to beat it back a bit on Thursday.

Thanks for reading,

Jeff

Day 25 (September 21, 2009)

I asked a friend on the phone today what would happen to someone in my place if they were a real drama junkie? I don't like the drama but it seems to follow me. Take today for example:

-The people repairing my ceiling were removing the ceiling fan when they knocked out the electricity.

-While waiting for the electrician, someone smashed the contractor's truck's window and made off with some of his power tools.

-After the police left (they took 45+ minutes to get here) I said good bye to Jenn as she moved out of Pigtown after 6+ years of service here.

-I emailed Onalee's teacher and all she received from me was code.

-When getting a shower this afternoon I discovered that my bathtub now moves with me.

-While sitting at a stoplight I threw out my back.

This was just today. My friend said the someone who was a real drama junkie wouldn't survive long here because they wouldn't have a chance to be creative and exaggerate much; so much of what happens seems a bit too surreal anyway.

Thanks for reading,

Jeff

Day 24 (September 19, 2006)

It's been a highly undisciplined week. Sometimes that happens. I don't like it.

For me, structure and discipline help keep me on track and in the flow of what needs to be done. When I get off tract that way I find myself living a more frustrating life.

Sometimes I get off of my personal disciplines because of an outside interruption. Someone dies. A pipe bursts. A tire goes flat. You know the deal there. It happens to us all.

This was not one of those weeks. There were no major upsets from the outside. This week was all internal.

Once in a while, and this week was one of those times, I can't get into the rhythm of the week and my regular practices went out the window. I'm not sure why it happened but it just did.

So, I sit here late on Saturday night having not accomplished much of anything this week. Perhaps next week I'll be able to get myself back on track.

Thanks for reading,

Jeff

Day 23 (September 18, 2009)

I'm doing the single parent thing for the weekend. Vonceil is at a women's retreat in Pennsylvania. She's gone to this event every year since 1998 except for 2001 when she was very pregnant.

I enjoy my kids a lot. We intend to get some work done on Saturday then have some good play time together. With them being more independent now than in years past things work out well.

I do confess that I'm serving what I call "Bad Parent Breakfast" in the morning. They wake up much earlier than I find necessary on Saturdays. I've put dry Cheerios in two individual-sized Tupperware dishes and set them on my desk. With them I put out two Hi-C juice boxes and a note saying the earliest they can wake me in the morning. I know it's bad but it's functional and they have enjoyed this annual treat in the past.

From there they've got to get the playroom and their bedrooms cleaned while I work on the weekly Power House report and the sermon and lessons for Sunday. We'll work together on a couple of other minor projects on the house and get the week's laundry started. Then we'll go rearrange the furniture at the church in preparation for the morning service.

If all goes well then we'll have a late afternoon and evening out together. They've got some gift cards to spend, we'll have dinner out, and then we'll have a fun activity in the evening.

Sunday is a bit more challenging during the services. At least Tamara has volunteered to re-braid Onalee's hair that morning so she'll look cared for despite the bad parent breakfast.

The good news is we'll all live to tell about it even if it doesn't turn out as pleasant as we hope. The better news is that Vonceil gets a weekend in the woods.

Thanks for reading,

Jeff

Side Note

This is just a side note to say that I still plan to post most every day. The system somehow wouldn't let me log in the last couple of nights when I've tried. Let's see how tonight goes.

Thanks for reading,

Jeff

Day 22 (September 15, 2009)

I don't put a lot of stock today's mass media entertainment. To find a gem you've got to dig through a lot of coal. Today I found two gems.

First, I finally caught up with the show Glee. I haven't seen anything this well-done on TV since West Wing. It's a show that is fun and requires you to be observant using at least half a brain to fully appreciate its nuances.

The only other shows of the last while that are/were as well-written and required that kind of brain engagement are West Wing and 30Rock. It's the only show out there that I would classify put in the same category.

(Now those of you who know me well are asking, "What about "The Office"? Yes, The Office is a favorite and a must see on soooo many levels. It's just in a different category just like the Olympics and the World Series are in different categories.)

Of course, Glee has special appeal to parts of my DNA that it might not for others. Obviously, there's the latent music teacher that's still in me somewhere that wants to get out once in a while. There's the working with kids, especially high school aged kids thing that's a constant part of my life, too.

The other thing is the school setting. Yes, it's a caricature of a school. But being in a school is deep in my bones. I loved being a public school teacher. I miss it every day. Though I am confident in my calling and am honored at the opportunity and trust I've been given since leaving the classroom, part of me still aches to stand in front desks full of kids with a piece of chalk in my hand.

The other gem came today when I stopped by the RedBox and found the movie Grand Torino. I had heard that it was good so I spent my $1 to rent it and watched it tonight with Vonceil. I would have never guessed how good it would be.

It's a hard movie to describe; you'll need to watch if for yourself if you haven't already.

The thing is, it really spoke to another side of my life. With the exception of one or two scenes with really bad acting, the movie's portrayal of themes and situations is very accurate. There's no particular character I fully related to in that movie but I connected strongly to the situation.

It was good to experience both these stories in the same day. Both resonate with issues at the extremes of my life. Yet, the notes struck ring in harmony and sympathy in the key of my life and remind me of the Chord that I listen for to find the center of who I am to be.

Thanks for reading,

Jeff

Day 21 (September 14, 2009)

So, I don't normally follow tennis, but I found it interesting today. A player lost the US Open lost the set, and ultimately the tournament, because of unsportsmanlike conduct for cussing out a line judge. She was also fined $10K for her actions. This was a high price to pay for her emotions getting the best of her.

Yet, unless there is a high cost to letting our emotions run us then we will continue to let them do so. I think that loosing the tournament, the prize, and $10K might help her have more self control in the future.

Meanwhile in the halls of congress the congressman from South Carolina refuses to apologize to his colleagues for breaking their rules of conduct when he hollered at the President last week from the house floor on national television. Others in the House are considering possibly reprimanding him but are having difficulty doing so without finding themselves in political hot soup. Instead of his bad behavior costing him, this Representative is using it to gain further spotlight time and is raising quite a lot of money for his election from this for his reelection bid.

Some people have noted that congress has sometime booed presidents in the past. This is true. Booing, however, is different. Booing is a collective way of expressing distaste for what was just said. Hollering out "YOU LIE!" is an individual direct attack on a person and his office.

In his apology to the President, he said that he let his emotions get the best of him. So did the tennis star. Perhaps our elected officials in Washington should spend some time watching sports and learn from them how to handle people who won't follow the basic rules of the game and have the courage to referee themselves.

Thanks for reading.

Jeff

Day 20 (September 13, 2009)

When guest ministers ask me how long their sermon should be, I tell them that if it's really going well and everyone seems to be with you then keep on going. Otherwise, please just stop.

There's no sense in filling up time if there's not much to say. There's no sense typing text if there's not much to write, either.

Therefore, I'm having sense enough to stop for the night.

Thanks for reading,

Jeff

Day 19 (September 11, 2009)

I noticed today people were talking more about where they were and how they heard about the events of 9/11/01. Here's my story:

As was my tradition at that time, I woke up in time to turn on Joyce Meyer on TV at 9:30 in the morning. When I turned it on I saw that it was news and thought I was on the wrong channel. When I realized that it was the right channel and that something was going on I turned to NBC for better coverage.

The impossibility of the situation was reflected in the thoughts I had as I watched scenes unfold. They included:

-It's a good thing that skyscrapers are built to withstand crashes like this.
-I wonder if/how the buildings can be repaired and, if not, how would they tear them down?
-It will be so strange to see just one tower standing by itself from now on.

As troubles expanded into Virginia, I felt a need to pray for Detroit and Pittsburgh.

I got a phone call from Mike saying that Bonnie, who worked in the Pentagon, saying that she was stationed on the side the plane hit but that she was OK. Another friend of mine who was flying that morning landed safely in Dallas but some of his coworkers were on the flights that crashed.

After getting Bryce from Kindergarten and Vonceil getting home early from her school, I had a lot of nervous energy that had built up. I needed something to do.

We were in the process remodeling our home after buying the house next door and converting the two houses into one. Bryce had moved into his new bedroom and we'd just finished converting his old room into a nursery for Onalee (who would be born in another 6 weeks, though we thought 12 weeks at the time). The playroom was the next room on the list.

That room had paneling on the walls that we had primed to prepare for painting. Three walls were to be tan (and I believe I had already finished those three walls but am not 100% sure) and one wall was to be a fun lavender shade. I took a 1 inch trim brush and started to paint the lavender in the cuts in the paneling that wouldn't cover easily with the roller.

I couldn't stop. Several hours later I had painted the entire wall with a 1 inch brush.

We opened the church that evening. A few, but not too many, people came by for prayer. We kept a TV going in the corner the whole time.

That's what I was doing that day.

Thanks for reading,

Jeff

Day 18 (September 10, 2009)

Today would be a good day to find someplace with a waterfall and watch gravity create beauty.

Thanks for reading,

Jeff

Day 17 (September 9, 2009)

It's a funny thing when hope pops up when you least expected.

Chester's family and I were setting up the church tonight in preparation for his memorial service tomorrow evening. This is always an oddly complicated task physically, emotionally, and spiritually. One new layer of complexity is that we now have the chairs set in a new configuration so that we can use the screen and projector.

When we first derived this arrangement, we ended up with one or two fewer chairs than our normal setup. It also looks as if the room is more limited in terms of seating space.

The family is anticipating a very full house for the service which is why they are using our facilities (we have one of the largest rooms in the neighborhood and we're within walking distance of most of Chester's friends and family). So, when I heard myself telling then on Sunday that I would have all 150 chairs set up, I wasn't really sure if and how that would actually work.

Come to find out, the 150 chairs actually fit better in this configuration than the old one. They look more inviting and create good traffic flow patterns.

Sitting there tonight feeling sad and frustrated about the whole situation around Chester's death and feeling the grief of his family and friends, hope popped up. It came in the form of being able to see the church set up like this every Sunday and people coming to fill the seats for worship, fellowship, and discipleship.

Could it really happen? Could we need this many seats each week? It seems so distant yet, tonight, seems only inches from reality.

I guess that's a definition of hope itself --- seeing the nearly impossible within reach.

As we look out on the sometimes bleakness of the situations we find ourselves in, may we have the vision needed to live in hope and therefore work passionately that we might see the nearly impossible come into our grasp.

Thanks for reading,

Jeff

Day 16 (September 8, 2009)

The first house I owned was brand new. The house I live in now was 100 years old when we bought it back in '98. Though I like the character of old houses a lot, I can attest that living in a new house is easier than living in an old one.

This has been so true this last week. I'm glad that the ancient plumbing has been replaced, but the gaping holes in the walls and ceiling are getting to be a bit much. 100+ year old dirt just doesn't smell right. Mice see the whole the way we would a newly built express way making our house the fastest way across Pigtown.

And each time I go into the kitchen I find some mysterious object on the counter top. I've found chips of paint in colors we've never seen in the house. I've found small pieces of plaster. I've even found evidence of what appears to be a mouse having lost its balance falling atop the cupboard and knocking things to the floor.

If you're not totally grossed out by this point, then please stop by. I am. I can't count the number of Clorox wipes I've used just today let alone since they started ripping up the house.

So, next time you're shopping for a house, remember the old adage location, location, location. But once you've met those three requirements, consider how old the dirt will be when things get torn up and if you want to clean up something that gross.

Thanks for reading,

Jeff

Day 15 (September 7, 2009)

I guess I need some screaming lessons.

More and more I'm discovering that in our world the person who screams the loudest and longest wins. Being right doesn't matter. Being good doesn't matter. Being ethical doesn't matter. When it comes to making decisions, the best decision is the one that appeases the screamers.

Case and point came today. Actually, on Friday we got a letter from my kids' school saying that the Archdiocese of Baltimore was, because of the many phone calls they'd received, decided to have an "opt out" option for kids whose parents didn't want the President encouraging them to do well in school. To me, that was disturbing.

This afternoon, however, we received an email from the principal of the school saying that only the middle school students would watch the broadcast while the younger kids would not be allowed to watch it. This was the result of further "concerns expressed by parents."

Amazing.

Now, if GWB had done this when he was president I would not have been thrilled. However, my kids would have watched it. We've taken out kids to several presidential sites, like libraries or homes, including Bush I, FDR, and Eisenhower. Agreement with their politics is not the reason for a visit or, for that matter, choosing to not. Respect for the Office and respect for authority is the basis for listening to the President.

The screaming about health care is working my last nerve, too. People who don't like the "public option" scream that there needs to be a compromise. They've already forgotten that the "public option" already was a compromise from the single payer system.

This need to scream (both literal and metaphorical) is not limited to the political arena. This happens in so many areas of life; at church, on the highway, or trying to deal with any level of bureaucracy.

Perhaps that's why I get screamed at so often. I've been cussed out more as a pastor than at any other job I've ever had. This is especially surprising when one considers that I used to work as a telemarketer for MCI.

I think that's because when you try to practice Matthew 5:37 (Let your yes be yes and your no be no) people don't like it. When you try to make and stick with your decisions, people who disagree don't want to talk, debate, or try to understand. Apparently, engaging the intellect is too hard. Instead, they revert back to the basic instinct which started at birth with a good, loud scream.

No one likes the sound of a screaming child. People will bend over backward to accommodate a child's every whim to stop the screaming. Perhaps if we could see relationships as having roles other than "screaming child" and "appeaser," saving screams for only dire emergencies, we could progress a bit as creatures and as a society.

And I could save some money by not having to hire a screaming tutor.

Thanks for reading,

Jeff

Day 14 (September 4, 2009)

The good, the bad, and the ugly.

First, the ugly.

I learned that they're removing life support my friend sometime tomorrow. This is after a long, hard, draining, senseless week since his drug-induced suicide attempt last Sunday morning. We've been over the stages of grief like a pinball this week. Surreal is the word for the experience.

The bad.

I had an unplanned infrastructure overhaul this week or so. The pipes leaked which took two full days of plumbers in the house. This involved ripping out 100+ year old plaster and newer drywall coating the house with dust (which has naturally been followed by a massive cleaning effort). The carpenter gave an estimate on fixing the walls and replacing the ceiling. The van needed just over $1K in repairs (which just followed about $500 in repairs on the car). The HVAC system at the church went on the blink, as is the sound system and a few other things. These problems are always frustrating, but all at once amid the grief is a bit much.

The good.

My friend will be bringing life to several people who have been in need of organ and tissue transplants. Somehow, prayers are being answered. Friends who haven't been to church in years showed up at our new Wednesday night services. I found a few folks on Facebook who were on our "missing" list at church. SonRisers resumed, we did a mass mailing, and the new Kids' Church is about to launch.

So, though I'm frustrated and sad and angry and a lot lower on cash, and am spiritually, emotionally, psychologically, and physically drained, I'm not hopeless.

And besides, the best watermelon of the summer is in the refrigerator and I can here it calling me.

Thanks for reading,

Jeff

Day 13 (September 3, 2009)

So, this week my shrink said that I haven't been contemplative enough. I'd better go think about that.

Thanks for reading,

Jeff

Day 12 (September 2, 2009)

Let's go back to Eleanor Roosevelt for a few minutes. She had many quotable lines posted throughout the FDR Library and Museum.

One that resonated with me quite strongly with me went, "Courage is more exhilarating than fear and in the long run is easier. We do not have to become heroes overnight."

It's easy to think of fear and heroism when there's an emergency or something high profile in which we are called to act. It's also not too hard to talk about less dramatic things like peer pressure in terms of fear.

However, sometimes heroism and courage are more rooted in private, internal moments. When you're depressed, you can be your own hero by overcoming the fear of getting out of bed and getting dressed. That may be the only accomplishment for the day but it makes you a hero even if it's "only" to yourself.

When you fight back against all the things inside you that are trying to keep you from fulfilling you life's purpose you are a courageous hero. It's so easy to just let things wear you down. After a while, a sense of defeat makes it easier to just let those things win.

Become a hero. Have the courage to do what it takes over and over again to win the internal battles. Not only will you become your own hero, you might just inspire others to do likewise. Perhaps you'll become their hero, too.

Thanks for reading,

Jeff

Day 11 (September 1, 2009)

When traveling in the national parks it not uncommon to see signs that say something like, "Take nothing but pictures." I've always tried to be obedient. Today I paid a little bit of the price for that obedience.

I spent the morning sorting through pictures that Vonceil and I took in July and August, most of which were taken in national parks. 1494 pictures to be exact. Our camera shop seems to take pride in its ability to shuffle our order so it took a while to get pictures of locations and events organized semi-chronologically.

Challenging as the work was, it was a wonderful way to spend the day at home while the plumbers completed their work in our kitchen and bathroom. The delight came not from organizing my pictures but organizing the memories that go with them.

Some people talk about looking forward to retirement so that they can travel. For me, the travel itself is only a small part of the fun. I thoroughly enjoy the planning and preparation for the trip. And, I revel in the memories.

When I run across a picture from Yosemite or Glacier or Muir Woods or one of the other amazing places I've been able to go, my heart beats just a bit faster. I have a few seconds of awe and wonder and delight, even while sitting at the computer.

We all need a little awe and wonder and delight in our lives. It breaks up the monotony, jars the mundane, and puts what is important back in its rightful place. For me, that starts through traveling to majestic or historic places. Those experiences sprinkle themselves over my brain like salt and pepper giving a little more flavor and color to everyday living.

So, if given a choice, I'll let my brain be seasoned throughout life and revel in the memories rather than waiting for a nebulous future time to do so.

And to the national park service, I didn't take any rocks or flowers or twigs or pine cones or any of those things with me from the parks. But each time I come home I seem to have a taken a lot more from your parks than just 1494 pictures.

Thanks for reading,

Jeff